I walked out to the car at the start of my Tuesday morning last week. I was planning on a four-and-a-half-mile walk around Lake Mayer in Chatham County, Georgia. I was also prepping for a trip north to a family wedding, so I planned a haircut and picking up a tux on my to-do list for the day. Plans change.

I have been living in “the Coastal Empire” for a couple of months. The area along Georgia’s coast southeast of Savannah is primarily maritime forests, barrier islands, and saltwater marshlands. It’s a significant change from the suburban environment in southeastern Virginia, where I’ve lived since the late 1990s.

When I started my Subaru that morning, my dashboard lit up with all the warning lights that could illuminate before me. Check engine, seat belts, driver monitoring, EV mode indicator, and this weird white silhouette of an Outback over a squiggly line that tells me either X-Mode status or that my Outback can be used as a flotation device in the unlikely event of a water landing. For the record, I have no earthly idea what X-mode status is.

My first thought was, “This can’t be good.” I was about to go through the five stages of Subaru ownership.

Stage 1: Denial. Let me turn the car off and let it sit for a minute. Maybe it was just an ON/OFF issue. I had plans. There was no need to drop everything just because every warning light was glowing in my face, and my brake trouble indicator light was bright red. I should walk three laps around the lake and get my steps in for the day. I was already dressed for it and had gone to the trouble of getting a new Audible selection queued up. Besides, I could make my way out to Pooler to the Subaru dealership after my haircut later in the morning.

Stage 2: Anger. Restarting the car, expecting the lights to magically disappear, did not work. Shocker, I know. Now what? I have been tough on this Outback. My long-distance relationship with Jeanne had me doing trips from the Tidewater area of Virginia to the Georgia Low Country regularly for years. Each round-trip was an easy 1,000 miles. I am at the point where I am not driving anywhere near the miles I had before we managed to get into the same zip code. Now the car is going to give me issues? I just paid Georgia taxes on this thing to get it registered, even though I paid Virginia sales tax on it when I bought it in 2020, and property taxes on it every year in June for the privilege of sitting in traffic daily on I-64. I was not a happy camper.

Stage 3: Discovery. After my haircut, I made my way out to the Subaru Dealership to see what was happening under the hood. The customer rep came out to the car in the service entrance and started scanning bar codes on the door frame. She pushed a button that gave her the mileage without turning on the vehicle. Wait, what did you just do? Another thing I did not learn in the Subaru Owner Academy in Virginia. Then the service rep opened the hood. I hadn’t done that myself because I can’t do much more than fill the windshield wiper fluid and swear at the engine. The problem presented itself when she stepped back, quickly.

Leaves, pine straw, and chewed wiring. I had a rodent move in. Specifically, a marsh rice rat (Connoisseurus Subaruus ). Because I was not driving as often, one of the local marsh critters thought my engine compartment had gone condo.

Step 4: Exasperation. My service rep then looked at me and said, “Sometimes the wiring harnesses in Subarus are made with a soy-based sheathing.” She continued pushing buttons and taking photos with her tablet as she walked around the car. I’m sorry, did you say that Subaru uses a soy-based wiring in the engine? “Yes”, the nonchalant walk around the Outback continued. “I will have the tech look at it. There will be a $184.95 diagnostic fee plus the cost of the repair and labor. Sign here.” She handed me the tablet.

Which Eco-Warrior at Subaru came up with the idea of sheathing the wiring in a soy-based product? I could see the board meeting now. “Hey Phil, let’s set up a rodent buffet in the engine compartment.” Or, perhaps the suggestion came from PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals). I am sure that many species of rats, mice, chipmunks, squirrels, and capybara appreciate the nosh available inside my car. And it is not only Subaru. Many other manufacturers worldwide use soy-based products in their vehicles. Toyota, Honda, Hyundai, Ford, Nissan, Stellantis (Dodge, Jeep, Chrysler…), Audi, BMW, Porsche, and Tesla all do it. If you live near a saltwater marsh, like I do, or any environment where a rodent would live, you may have an issue. I think it is safe to say that soy-based wiring is preferred by both country and city mice. For those readers in Antarctica, I think you are in good shape. None of the six pinniped species that inhabit Antarctica seems like the type to crawl into your engine block.

Step 5: Acceptance. I paid the bill. Several hundred dollars for all-you-can-eat wiring. Soy-based wiring is better for the environment, they will tell you. It uses fewer petroleum-based products and is gluten-free. What they don’t tell you is that it saves the car manufacturer money. They also get the added benefit of fixing the cars over and over when the critters come in from the cold and decide to have a meal.

I have two plans of action. The first is to spray my engine daily with a mixture of peppermint and cinnamon oils to deter local fauna from emerging from the marsh and entering my engine compartment. I fear that I may attract the pumpkin spice crowd from Starbucks, which would be worse than a rat infestation. After two weeks, I will reduce the periodicity to a couple of times a week until even the rats are giving my Subaru bad reviews on Yelp.

The second plan is to look for a new car. One of the first questions I will ask will be: “Do you use Soy-based wiring in your cars?” If the answer is yes, I will cross those cars off the list. I will start with Subaru. I have owned three of them over the years. The Outback is still listed as a station wagon through the 2025 model year, which is a little nostalgic for me. I am brand loyal to a point. If they are still using soy, I will try to find something else that I like.

Subaru’s new slogan should read: “Subaru, tastes great, less filling!”